Hump Day Humor

[Hugh Jass]

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation were sitting in their pews talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence..

Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am ?'"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me ?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep," was the calm reply.

"And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan.

"Nope," said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked,

"Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied,


"Been married to your sister for 62 years"

[tonyb147]

    LITTLE GIRL AND THE ATHEIST

    A little girl was on a plane .... and an atheist man was seated next to a little girl.  He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
     
    The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
     
    Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or No Life After Death?" as he smiled smugly.
     
    "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
     
       The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
 
       To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or Life After
       Death when you don't know SHIT !!
 
       And then she went back to reading her book.

[careless hal]

 

[Hugh Jass]

You can't make this shit up 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoPA2VBHzO0

[AmyHollar]

 

    LITTLE GIRL AND THE ATHEIST

    A little girl was on a plane .... and an atheist man was seated next to a little girl.  He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
     
    The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
     
    Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or No Life After Death?" as he smiled smugly.
     
    "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
     
       The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
 
       To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or Life After
       Death when you don't know SHIT !!
 
       And then she went back to reading her book.

[beans and weenies]

You can't make this shit up 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoPA2VBHzO0
[/quo

never cease to be amazed at the idiots is this world

[Hugh Jass]

I got this message from Hal, I thought it was worth sharing.

I met a girl in the park the other evening.

There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet.   


As we lay making love, I thought ................

 "These Taser guns are well worth the money"   

[beans and weenies]

I got this message from Hal, I thought it was worth sharing.

I met a girl in the park the other evening.

There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet.   

that just ain't right 


As we lay making love, I thought ................

 "These Taser guns are well worth the money"

[LVGaryD]

You can't make this shit up 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoPA2VBHzO0
[/quo

never cease to be amazed at the idiots is this world

Man that dude had to have been in prison before for that thing to fit in there! 

[Jeremy]

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'"

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"