Observations on getting more "mature"...

[The Skipper]

1st off it took me a week to remember my login info 

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes twenty years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. ***

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought "Nap Time" was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. My wife is not scared of getting pregnant. And I don't have acne. Life is great.

[Trotman]

Skipper I can relate to all of it. I make a grocery list and get to the store and I've forgot the list so I go by memory not to waste gas. I get home and wonder what the hell did I buy there is nothing in the bags that was on my list. So off I go for round two all the while bitching to myself for the wasted gas. Get inside the grocery store and can't read my list and realize I left my glasses on the kitchen table so now I have to ask a young fellow if he can help me get what's on the list and he does. Now I get home still bitching to myself about the wasted gas but I know I have everything on my list. Pop a top on a beer put on my glasses and check my bill from the store and find out that helpful young buck bought the highest priced items for everything and now I'm agitated even more on top of the gas, oh well at least I'm eating. Isn't old age great.